i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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