I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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