i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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