The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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