Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
