never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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