I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
