I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How's work?
Spinning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
