she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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