Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
