We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
