just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
