if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize