I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize