Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize