I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
