Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
