since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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