saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize