im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
