Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
