OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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