I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
3pm strippers are depressing
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
