Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
