my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
