he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
