Do you still have your period?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
