my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
