it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Two words: blizzard sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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