She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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