You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
