So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
