cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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