Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
