Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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