Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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