brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Come on in and take your pants off
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