and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
