it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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