if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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