you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
