I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
