lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
