Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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