I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
