So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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