I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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