You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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