his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
