i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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