Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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