So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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