If that was your dad, he is hot
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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