i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
