The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
