The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
