You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
