yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
