when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
