Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
