I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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