it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
