well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
