I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
