So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
