I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
