I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
