I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i now understand why vodka
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
